From now on

From now on, I'll text my dad or Jeremy instead, or I'll write in my blog, or in the notebooks that my parents got me when I thought I was going to Rome, or I'll adjust my tie a bit or play with my keys in my pocket, or I'll think about work, or about what I'm going to have for dinner, or what I ate for dinner, or I'll think about far away places I'd like to see, or books I want to read or music I want to listen to (but, god, really why is it that when something like this is on your mind, every song and lyric seems relevant, even [especially] the most inane?) or I'll think about movies I want to watch (ditto), or restaurants I'd like to bring a date to, or or or

and you know what, eventually those things (and everything else) will just be the things I do naturally (again), rather than what I do instead of.

(but anyway/by the way, up until now it's felt a lot like the time that I couldn't yawn, on the BART coming back from Santa Cruz. And dammit, my knees are still red!)